Is My Life Worth Living For?
by Rinny Leonheart
Summary: Not recommended for under 13's. Contains suicice. Rinoa decides to take the easy way out when Squall dumps her for not fighting with him. RR!


Is My Life Worth Living For?

Rinny Leonheart

Disclaimers: I don't own Final Fantasy Eight, and I never will.

* * *

I could kill a person just for looking at me

I am a danger to others and myself

I unwillingly accepted powers I am afraid to use

I ended up driving you away

You asked too much of me

And in the end I had had enough

Your constant invites to missions I'd end up killing in

I can't use my powers to kill people

Not anymore

These missions were yours

I'm not a mercenary like you

I was not trained for this sort of thing

Is my life worth living for?

* * *

You didn't want anymore to do with me when I snapped at you 

All I can say is, I'm sorry

I'm nothing like you

I don't kill because it's my job

For survival maybe, but never for work

If I were in a situation where I had no choice, I would fight

But never again

I nearly lost you

I have lost you now

It's all my fault

If I'd agreed to fight, I'd still have you

But I couldn't do it

I kill people and hurt those I love

I'll put an end to it all

Is my life worth living for?

* * *

My pinwheel is in my hand, I begin to feel weak 

My wrist has slices through the veins

I have begun the cycle

It can't be stopped now

The blood is everywhere

On my clothes, on my hands, on my blade

My head is spinning as I write you this final letter

It won't be long before my life slips away

Like the way it began

I still remember your eyes from when we first met

Confusion flowed through them like rivers

But I saw something else which has gone now

Love

I put you through so much hardship

You won't have anymore to put up with

You don't seem to care what I'm doing to myself

All you care for now is Quistis

I can see why you eventually chose her

She likes to see things bleed, like you do

All I think about, my life draining from my body, is your face when you see what I've done

Will you smile? Or will you cry?

But I hope you think about this:

Is my life worth living for?

* * *

Life is so precious: you need to make the most of it

I once said that no-one can predict the future

You know what?

I knew this would happen

You would go to Quistis

When you finished with me

I had to let you follow your heart

Like I am with mine

Which is fading with each passing moment

I dreamt that we'd be together forever

We'd marry, live in Winhill, with three children

Live together, and die together as old people

I'm not old: I'm eighteen

And broken-hearted

Is my life worth living for?

* * *

I gave you my heart, and you gave it back 

I was dying when you did that

The pain isn't so bad now; a gentle numbness is caressing my body

My handwriting must be all over the place

I can barely see now

My eyelids are becoming heavy with fatigue

The end is near, I can feel it

I can see the stain of blood, soaking into the pale blue carpet

You always hated the colour of the carpet

Said it was nearly white and why would the Garden choose it for the dorms

You're in her room now, aren't you?

I feel it deep down inside

My heart is breaking in two

You won't care about what I've done until it's too late

You can't save me now

No-one can

Is my life worth living for?

* * *

The fatigue perseveres; it's nearly time to lie down 

So I'll make this last part brief

Squall, my love, I'm sorry

I was scared of losing control, like I did in space

Ultimecia was within me, but I knew what I was doing

I knew I was throwing you against those walls

It could have been worse: I could have killed you

But you killed me

This is my farewell, my darling

I'll see you in heaven

Live your life to the full

I am your guardian angel

I'll watch over you

Promise you won't try and follow me

I love you forever and a day

Always with you

Is my life worth living for?

* * *

I guess not now, I look back now and see that it wasn't worth beginning

I had nothing special until you

And now Quistis has you

She deserves you

I didn't ever deserve you

I love you Squall, so much

Farewell, my knight, farewell…

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry to all Squinoa fans, I killed her! Forgive me! I just came up with it, I'm SO sorry. Don't kill me! Tell me what you think instead.

Rinny Leonheart


End file.
